Another week... more stress

Well I had both a good and bad week and I'm not sure where to start exactly. I really need to keep up on this a little better.

1. I got my new cast! It's a lot better! It's my favorite color of blue. I'll have to take a picture of it. It still goes up to my knee which is a pain in the ass but I'll live because the cast is a little tighter and more fitted to my leg so its much less bulky. They had to saw off the old cast which is a pretty scary experience. It isn't comforting to see a saw go through your cast and hit your leg. It doesn't go through soft things like skin but it's a weird feeling. The nurse had to take off tons of padding that were just soaked in dry blood. Not good for my stomach. Then I had to pull my leg out of the cast which hurt because my ankle is so used to being supported by something. Then came the worst part. I looked down at my ankle and it looked SO BAD. Staples were holding my skin together on both sides of my leg (it just looks nasty... staples and skin just... ew). And I'll have you know that the damn doctor cut right through my tattoo on my ankle... so now I am going to have this huge scar through the middle of my tattoo until I can go get it covered up again. Ugh. Not to mention a huge scar on both sides of my foot and leg for the rest of my damn life. They pulled out the staples which I refused to watch but judging from how pale my dad's face got and the look of disgust on it... I can only imagine what it looked like. It didn't hurt like I though it would... more like a bunch of painful pinches. Some hurt worse cuz they were deeper and they bled so they had to be bandaged. If my damn leg looked that bad after 2 weeks... what is it going to look like in a month or so? I'm scared to even think about it. The hardest part was putting on the cast. They had to very, very slowly bend my ankle and my leg into a 90 degree angle. It took awhile and it hurt like hell. Then they put the new cast on. Overall, not a fun experience but I am glad I got that phase done so far. As far as my ankle goes, it still hurts alot but I am trying to work through that and put pressure on it so that it'll be as strong as I can get it. I took a couple of mini baby steps on it (using my crutches of course) which was a proud moment for me, no matter how bad it hurt. I can barely put any pressure on it but it's progress.

2. I saw Twilight 3 times this weekend! I don't know how I managed it, but I did. I absolutely LOVED it. The whole movie was just so much better than I anticipated. I really expected very little from it. All the characters were well chosen, especially Bella. Edward is hot as hell though his acting is a little questionable in places and he has some weird angles where he doesn't look cute at all but... he's Edward and I love him. Haha. Jacob was hot too... though Jacob will never be better in my eyes than Edward. I didn't like the way they made him glitter in the sunlight though. It was funny. And when he told her that he was a vampire and he was running all over the place... that was stupid. It was too much and that was his worst acting through the whole thing. But oh my god... the chemistry between them is amazing. There were a couple scenes where I was just melting. I feel like they did a pretty decent job at staying as close to the book as they could and adding enough to make a movie worth watching. Needless to say, it's one of my favorite movies already and I am already SO excited that they have announced they will be doing New Moon. Wahoo!! After I went with my mom on Saturday, we went to FYE and I bought the soundtrack... its great. I love it. Very unique music which I like a lot of the time.

3. I just have to say this... GO UTES!!!!! They kicked BYU's ass and made me SO happy. I hope they go another season undeafated. And anytime the Utes beat BYU is a damn good day for me =)

4. I went back to work last week for part time! I know most people probably wouldnt be too excited about it but it feels so good to be able to get out of the house and doing something useful. It feels nice to be around other people too. I'm hoping I'll be able to go back full time next week. Just trying to take it slow so I don't make myself sick.

5. I started feeling sick Saturday night (I think I overworked myself). I barely even slept. I was just so naseous and had the mother of all headaches all night. It continued all through Sunday too. Luckily I slept last night and I felt okay this morning but I am back to wanting to through up again now. Ugh. Not fun. I hope I am not getting the flu because that would probably be one of the worst things to happen to me right now. I think it might be the pain pills... I'm actually hoping it might be the pain pills because I can at least switch those. I dunno. Whatever it is, I am praying it'll go away. And soon =(

6. Now for the absolute worst part of my weekend. I woke up on Sunday to the phone ringing. It was my oldest nephew (he is 17), Ramon's mom calling (I have one brother and he has 4 kids... this was his first kid he had when he was 17). Me and Ramon grew up together almost as brother and sister (I am only 5 years older than him and I'm his aunt. Lol) We've always been really close. So his mom calls and says that she needs to talk to us. My heart kinda dropped but I figured he got in trouble at school or something. She comes over, we all sit down, and she tells us "Ramon is going to be a daddy." We just sat there in complete shock for a couple of minutes. My 17 year old nephew who is a junior in high school is going to have a goddamn baby. She started telling us that he was asking funny questions for awhile like "Was it hard for you to raise me when you were so young"... stuff like that. And then he came to her, started crying, and told her that his girlfriend (who he just met at the beginning of the school year) is pregnant. He explained that he told his younger brother first because he was so scared and his brother punched him and called him an idiot and he also told his friends who were all extremely pissed off that he was that stupid. I mean how could he be SO STUPID????? There are a million ways to stop yourself from getting into that situation. It's EASY. And now I am going to watch my NEPHEW have a baby before me. And my niece Ciera? She is going to be an aunt at one years old. HOW MESSED UP IS MY FAMILY??? My nephew is being an adult about it though. He promised to graduate high school, is going to get a job, is going to see his gf every day and take care of her, went over and spoke with her parents (who, needless to say, hate him with a passion). He says that he will be a part of his baby's life forever and he is going to be with the girl and take care of her too. He understands that he messed up but he is trying to take responsibility for it. But despite all that, I feel like my heart is broken. This is my little nephew. The little kid I did everything with. I have always felt so protective over him and wanted him to be a better person then my brother. And he is just a kid. He is shy (apparently not too shy) and nice and friendly and just a kid! He doesn't even know how to take care of Ciera or hold her. He is scared of babies. Terrified. And now he is going to be a dad. MY little nephew. I saw him be born. I played with him. I talked to him. We fought like brother and sister. I was always protective over him. And now he made the biggest mistake of his life and nothing will ever be the same again. I cried, then I threw up... but now I guess I have to accept that what's done is done and the only thing I can do is support him and let him know I will be there for him as much as I can. My mom and dad are teh same page. Wish it didn't happen but there is nothing that can be done. My brother on the other hand (his dad) is showing us all how much of an asshole he can be. I mean, I know my brother is a jerk. I know he is an immature child at 35 years old. I know all that. But apparently Ramon's mom told him last weekend. All my brother said is "Have him call me when he has the balls to me himself" So my nephew is absolutely terrified but he calls my brother.. and my brother ignores him. All week. My brother has ignored my nephew calling over and over and over from three different phones. He won't even talk to him. My brother didn't tell us. What a hypocrite right? He had Ramon when he was 17! And not only that... he just had Ciera not 10 months ago. He knew his gf 2 WEEKS before she got pregnant? How the hell can he condemn his son for the same thing? Ramon's mom (my bro's ex obviously) keeps telling Ramon not to worry about it. If my brother is gonna be an ass, let him be. Ramon has plenty of other people supporting him. My brother knows my mom is gonna be pissed off so he didn't come home yesterday. And I doubt he'll make an appearance for another couple of days. I hate my brother. I love him because he's my brother but I really don't like him as a person at all. None of us are happy about this whole thing but ignoring it isn't going to solve anything. What's done is done, there is no going back. I'm going to be a great aunt at 22 years old and my damn little nephew is having a baby before me. What. A. Mess.

The Pictures! (Continued from the previous blog entry)

My beautiful niece Ciera! She is gettin so big!!!

These are jut a couple pictures of my Bella! Isn't she soo cute? I love her to pieces. I have more but I was having trouble uploading them so this'll do for now =)

These are of my stupid ugly temporary cast. I know I look like hell... I was on a lot of pain meds. Haha.

Update on Me and Bella!

I guess it’s time for another little (ha) update. I really need to try to stay on top of this...

First off, my ankle is starting to feel better (knock on wood). I still get a lot of pain but not nearly as frequently as before. I used to take a pill every 3 hours on the hour just so I could breathe. But now I can usually take just one pain pill in the morning and one at night and I’m okay. Um… generally. Sometimes I need to take a little more but as much as pain killers are wonderful and helpful, they are also really addictive and that’s the last thing I want to happen. Anyway, I went to my doctor last Tuesday for a post-op appointment. I have to be honest… I completely dislike my doctor! He is so rude and so unfriendly and so unhelpful. It annoys me so much and actually really makes me mad. My hospital bill arrived and it came to a whopping $17,000!! Can you believe that? All I can say is thank God for insurance. Even more, thank God for double coverage (I have my own insurance and I am still on my mom’s until January). I can’t believe that breaking an ankle can ruin someone’s life! I can’t imagine how many people do what I have done and don’t have any insurance. Ugh… anyway. What with the amount of money my insurance is paying, you would honestly think that my doctor could be courteous and nice. Anyway… he did an x-ray to make sure my bones are growing straight. Luckily they are! Wahoo! I was really hoping to get my surgery cast taken off and replaced with one that is less heavy and a little more flexible. Unfortunately he said I have to wait until this Tuesday. Yuck. So I still have this huge heavy cast on… but at least it’s only for a couple more days! But then I asked Dr. Jerk if it would hurt to take my cast off (and the staples that are holding my skin together on both sides of my leg which will also be removed Tuesday) and he replied “Are you brave?” and I said “Um… I dunno… am I?” and he looked at me and starts laughing and says “Ha. No. It’s definitely going to hurt. Bring your pain pills.” And it’s not like he was even joking! He was dead serious! So now I am scared to death to go to the doctor on Tuesday! Stupid doctor. He said a few other sly little comments here and there too that were so unprofessional and made me feel the size of an ant. Jerk. I tried to attach some pictures but it wouldn't work with this internet connection. I'll post another blog when I can get the pictures to work.

It gets really frustrating to be couped up all the time. I started feeling really headachy and sick all the time. So my mom was great enough to take me to Mervyn’s at the mall yesterday! They are going out of business (which I am kinda sad about) so they are having tons of sales. She wouldn’t try to let me get around on my crutches and she was probably right in that because I probably would have been trampled. My uncle, who is paralyzed, has an old wheelchair that he is letting me borrow. I just think it makes good sense to use it, especially once winter comes. Me on crutches on ice doesn’t equal anything good. I am using my crutches as much as possible though. I want to gain as much strength from them as I can. Anyway, I bought a couple shirts and some stuff for people for Christmas. Oh and I was weak and bought an adorable purse. Oops. What can I say… I like shoes and purses. Couldn’t very well try on any shoes so I chose to buy myself a purse instead =). Trying on the shirts was hard though. We were stupid enough not to bring my crutches and so I had to try the shirts on sitting down. I tried to stand up but almost fell and out of instinct I put my hurt foot down. OUCH. It went numb for like 10 minutes but I think its okay. It was really uplifting to get somewhere that wasn’t my bed or the couch or the bathroom! My mom and I were having a hard time pushing around the wheelchair though and when my brother got there he took one look at it and yanked me out of it before I could even say hi. The wheel was coming off! Thank god he noticed it because I would have probably fallen off it and broke something else. We went to Blockbuster after and rented a couple movies (I had to wait in the car) and then went and picked up dinner. My brother got the wheelchair fixed today so I'm good to go on that again.

With all the stress of my leg and Bella being sick, I was feeling pretty miserable last week. I was actually having a breakdown. I had this new puppy that was so sick she had to be hospitalized and here I was helpless to do anything. I couldn’t stop crying! But then my cousin Michael, who is a manager at Petco and honestly knows everything dogs, offered to take Bella and take care of her until I could get back into a place that I could take better care of her and me. I was a little reluctant because the vet said Bella might be infectious but my cousin wasn't worried about it. I can’t say how grateful I am for him to offer that. He has an apartment with his girlfriend and they have 2 birds, 5 frogs, and a half pitbull half something else dog. Her name is Prudence and she is HUGE. I was really worried about it but Prudence and Bella get along great. In fact, Prudence treats Bella like she is her puppy. My cousin said it’s really cute. Bella isn’t sick anymore which is a huge relief to me and a big weight off my shoulders. I have missed her SO much this whole week though! I think about her and I get these pangs of sadness and tension and worry. My cousin brought her over today and she was way happy to see me. But I noticed she has also gotten really bonded to my cousin and his girlfriend too. She got kinda sad when they left her for an hour. She was fine once they were gone but I’m worried about putting her through a lot when I take her back in a couple weeks =(. I was also kinda jealous, I have to admit. I wish I didn’t have to do this. I bet she is so confused about what’s going on. My cousin told me not to worry because smaller dogs are usually fine wherever you put them as long as they are loved. I hope it all works out =(… I love her to pieces and I know she is just a dog but I don’t want to make her feel like she is being passed around and the childish side of me is scared that she is happier with my cousin than she is here with me and when I bring her back she is gonna get depressed and sick again. *sigh* Anyway, she looks great though. My cousin switched her to a food that is healthier for her and that she likes a lot more. She has gotten so chubby! I started laughing my head off the second she ran through the door. She is SO cute. I tried to get some good pictures but she wouldn’t cooperate. I'll try to post a couple soon though.

I found a Nintendo Wii on sale at Sears today in the morning ad’s so I sent my brother over to get it. It’s a Christmas present for Steve! I am happy I got him done at least. It’s a relief. My brother also brought my niece Ciera over and she is getting so damn cute!!! She is walking now which I can’t believe! She takes like 7 or 8 steps before she falls over but she is determined. Once my connection is better, I'll post a couple of those too =)

Rough Month!

Well I have had one hell of a week and so I decided it’s about time I blog about it because a lot of you are wondering what’s been going on. I haven’t even told anyone that I have a blog yet at this moment… but if you’re reading this it must mean I let you know… hehe. Anyway… So much has happened to me this past week! I don’t even know where to begin.

1. I got new couches! This may not seem like something great but it really was a little highlight in my life. I now have my own little mini apartment down in the basement! I have my room (which I cleaned out and organized to perfection last week), my bathroom, and now my living room all together. Mom and dad moved the old big screen tv and entertainment system down there as well as our old coffee tables. Now that I have the couches, it’s perfect. They are an off-white color (I either wanted white or black) and are SO comfy. It’s nice to be able to go down there and watch a movie in my own little comfort zone whenever I want. We got the couches from Ashley Furniture and they were only $500.00 for both the couch and the loveseat. Great deal! I’ll have to take a picture and post it when I can =)

2. I got a new puppy last Thursday! She is SO cute. She is a little imperial shih ztu and the most she will ever weigh will be around 7 pounds. She’s tiny. She only weighs about 2.5 pounds right now. She is black and white and brown and has the cutest little face you’ve ever seen. I’ll get some pictures up as soon as I am able! I am surprised how quickly I fell in love with her and how much we have bonded in only one week. She is really protective and loving of me and she’s already become my little shadow. She has such a cute, fun playful personality. It was a little rough the first couple of nights because she was scared and sad to be in a new home. She cried a bit during the night but after the first day she did great. The only time she cries at night now is when she has to go the bathroom which is good… she refuses to go in her little crate! However potty training her is a bit of a challenge. She is really stubborn! But we are working with her… she isn’t a fan of the potty pads for some reason. She’ll move them and then walk around on the carpet and go to the bathroom. A fact my mom is NOT happy about. Speaking of which… I thought my mom was going to disown me the night I got her. She was FURIOUS. But I gave her a few days and she learned to accept it and now my poor mom is basically taking care of her because I am stuck in bed all day (which I’ll get around to in a minute). My mom insists that she hates dogs and that she doesn’t even like my puppy. But I know she is warming up to her. She’s always laughing at the silly things she does or saying “Oh look how cute!” and coming to check on her when she’s being quiet. I messed around with a couple different names. I would look them up, find ones I liked and then try them out but NOTHING seemed to fit until I tried Bella. And it’s perfect. Bella just feels right so that’s what I named her. Her full name is Isabella Rose but I call her Bella for short.

All of this seems nice and bright and shiny and it was… until 2 days ago. Bella got really sick =(. For some reason she stopped eating, she stopped drinking, and all she would do is lay down and sleep. This was so unlike her so I got really worried and asked my friend to take her to the vet (I can’t go… for reasons I will get to). The vet determined that she had some sort of infection (though she couldn’t tell where) and gave her some antibiotics. I had a little breakdown when I found this out because I’m already going through a rough time as it is and I can’t believe that now I have even more to worry about with the only thing that was keeping me somewhat cheered up. Anyway… I was so relieved when it seemed like Bella was doing SO much better. She was almost completely back to her normal self yesterday morning (which I might add was my birthday) until she threw up and proceeded to stop eating and drinking and sleeping all day some more. Since it was my birthday, I had some friends coming over throughout the day to visit me and a really nice lady I work with, Karon, brought me a homemade cake (yum) and some cute presents. Anyway she saw how lethargic Bella was being and kinda freaked me out about the whole thing until I agreed to let her and my dad take Bella to a 24 hour pet hospital. They ran some more tests and while they couldn’t figure out what is wrong with her, they did see that she was ridiculously dehydrated. So they had to keep her over night last night. What a birthday present for me huh? I am now out 300 dollars (400 if you count the tests they did at the other vet) which is the same amount it cost me to pay for her. I feel so depressed and miserable and worried about getting her better and the dark side of me is admitting that my mom was/ is right. I wasn’t ready for a puppy. Now I love her too much to let her go but I can’t afford to keep taking care of her if she continues to get sick. I am putting a huge burden on both of my parents because now they have to take care of me (and I am pretty much a mess) but they also have to take care of Bella. My dad isn’t upset about having to take care of her but I think he is pretty mad that I got a puppy that is proving to cost me so much already. My mom hates dogs as it is and in slight, subtle ways tells me how stupid I am for having gotten Bella in the first place. I have to admit that I do feel pretty stupid but then again I am pretty depressed and miserable with my life at the moment so regret and feeling stupid and feeling guilty is all pretty easy for me right now. The whole thing (and it happening on my birthday while I am already feeling like crap) has made me so depressed. I’m really struggling with everything right now =(

3. And here is the main thing going on my life right now. I broke my ankle. Ugh. So on Monday I was getting Bella’s toy from upstairs before work and I was on my way back down to my room. I was on the bottom step when my shoe slipped off and I fell. Poor Bella was in my arms but she was okay. Anyway… I only fell down one stair but I twisted it ALL wrong. I heard the bone break as I fell. It sounded like a gunshot almost… it was so loud. And then I looked down and a small piece of my bone was sticking out through the skin. I started screaming hysterically and my dad (though two floors up in our house… AND he has a hearing problem from his accident) heard me loud and clear… he came running down. I was sorta hyperventilating from the pain so I asked him to get me some water and I calmed down a little (tiny actually) bit. Then came the hard part. My dad had to grab onto my ankle (which was in SO much unbelievable pain) and I had to slowly and stair by stair, pull myself up with my arms and one good leg on my butt up the fourteen steep stairs that lead to my room. Then I had to take a breath so I wouldn’t pass out (it really hurt that bad) and slide across the floor, out to the garage and down two more stairs. Then came the really hard part that took me 10 minutes from crying to be brave enough to do it. My dad had to let go of my ankle and let it dangle and then he had to help me pull myself up and hop (painfully) the car. I finally got in and wanted to go to a really good hospital like LDS or the University of Utah or even that new IHC hospital but I was just in too much pain that I asked him to take me to Pioneer (which doesn’t have as good a rep but is much closer.) I finally got there, he got me a wheelchair, and I got checked in. I had to wait about 10 minutes but then they took me to get an x-ray and it turns out I broke 2 bones on both sides of my left ankle. Ouch. The doctor explained that this is an extremely bad break and it required surgery that day. I kinda freaked at this too because I have never had surgery before and the whole idea has always kinda scared me. I have had anesthesia before but for some reason I have this weird fear that they are going to put me to sleep and I won’t wake up. I guess I watch too much Grey’s Anatomy… lol. Anyway. They moved me to my own room on the second floor where I was given tons of pain meds through my IV (which I was so grateful for). They made my mouth dry though and I couldn’t drink anything which kinda sucked. I finally got my surgery at 3 and it was only supposed to take about an hour but it ended up taking two hours to get it all fixed. I was scared right before the surgery and they gave me something to help me calm down and to be honest I don’t remember anything after that. Lol. But I woke up with a big old white, heavy cast on my leg that goes all the way up to my knee. They had already cut it just in case swelling became problem (luckily it hasn’t… yet). I spent two days in the hospital which were challenging. I hate having to ask someone to do everything for me but I had to get used to it because I couldn’t get to the bathroom without some help. I came home on Wednesday. It has been feeling a lot better over these past couple days (knock on wood) thanks to Percocet a lot. I don’t have to take the pain pills as frequently now which I am relieved about. I am also starting to get the hang of the crutches though I am still far from daring to call myself good. I’m definitely a work in progress.

So all in all, I have been feeling really depressed what with Bella and me being so helpless. It’s also really frustrating and annoying to have to spend everyday, almost all day, confined to my bed. Which, by the way, my dad moved up into the dining room so I don’t have to worry about any stairs. I was being quite optimistic about this whole mess but now I’m just feeing like I want to sleep and wake up when it’s all better so I don’t have to worry about me or Bella. But no luck with that I suppose. Yesterday was my birthday and I don’t know if I could ever have a worse day again. Awful bday… that’s for sure.

Anyway. There’s my story! Bella will hopefully be coming home tonight around 6… I am just
praying that she is getting better and that she will eat and drink and continue on the antibiotics till she is completely better. I’m too stressed and miserable to deal with anything else. On the bright side of things I have been reading a lot. I just finished with the fourth book in the Marked series. I love them. I’d totally recommend them. I’m frustrated I have to wait till March to read the next one though =(. Going to start a new book now. It’s called the Hunger Games. Stephenie Meyer, Author of Twilight, recommended it on her website. So we’ll see I suppose.